Number 15 and several other Chiefs teammates are in the process of hitting Vegas to celebrate the All-World QB’s upcoming wedding shortly after I celebrated my bachelor party in Scottsdale.
Charles Robinson @CRob5769
Chiefs Focus @ChiefsFocus
Charles Robinson @CRob5769
Alright, normally I wouldn’t even think about writing about this. I mean, I saw the article on TMZ for God sake. I just dropped a blog talking about how we’re not a tabloid, and now here I am citing a tabloid in my next post. But when a half billion dollar franchise altering QB has his bachelor party the week after I had my own, I have to draw some comparisons.
We’re both having bachelor parties in February – that’s probably where the comparisons stop in all reality. Although we are both marrying girls named Brittney (although his fiancé spells it Brittany, which is obviously incorrect). I guess we both had our bachelor parties in the western half of the US. Mine was last weekend in Scottsdale, AZ with my brothers and best friends, and Pat’s is this weekend in Las Vegas with I assume his best friends but most importantly for this blog, several Chiefs teammates. Unsure of if his brother is there or not, but also don’t really care nor do I care to speculate or draw any conclusions if he’s not. Leave that to the losers on twitter with nothing better to do than read body language from sideline handshakes.
One can only assume Mahomes and crew are enjoying their time in some penthouse suite atop one of Vegas’s famous resort casinos, or in a villa somewhere off the strip. Us? We had an Airbnb in Scottsdale. Not quite in Old Town, but close enough that the Ubers didn’t cost much to go down there. Speaking of which, I also assume they have private car service there. Us blue collar gentlemen paid for our own Ubers, because we’re proud and because private car service is so so far out of our budget it’s ridiculous. I would also have to guess these guys flew out there on some pretty nice PJ’s (private jets). Our airline arsenal consisted of Southwest Airlines, American Airlines, Delta Airlines, and Spirit. We’re clearly more versatile.
Anyway, Mahomes and the boys apparently enjoyed a sensational dinner at Carversteak at Resorts World last night, where they got a wagyu tomahawk rib chop with Pat’s name and a Chiefs logo branded on the bone. Now, I’m no world traveler or connoisseur of fine cuts of meat, but I know my way around some beef cuts. For me, that’d be something I’d probably pay off for a couple months on the credit card. For the $500 million man? Not so much. They sipped on Louis XIII cognac and took shots of Michael Jordan’s tequila on a rooftop in Vegas. When you’ve got it, you’ve got it.
Comparatively speaking, last Saturday before we went out in Old Town Scottsdale on my bachelor party, we had Jersey Mike’s. Yes, the sub shop. It was a choice made by combining the fact that none of us idiots had the foresight to make a reservation at a nicer restaurant, and that we were on varying budgets and none of us will make $500 million over the next 10 years. Unless one of us is lucky and hits the lottery. We drank Michelob Ultra, Montucky Cold Snacks, and Fireball. Basically the same thing as Mahomes bachelor party, but I can promise you we had more fun.
I put larger pictures of Mahomes party up and smaller ones of mine to depict the differences in size of the wallets in attendance.
Of the company Patrick’s keeping at his bachelor party, his KC teammates (appear) to include Travis Kelce, Jerick McKinnon, Clyde Edwards-Helaire, Orlando Brown, Jr, and Noah Grey. I’d have to assume Gehrig Dieter is there as well. The fact that he’s still on the team screams that he’s probably Pat’s personal assistant, so he has to at least be there in that capacity. This is kind of a random group of teammates, but it got me thinking – which of my friends would these guys mirror in a bachelor party scenario? We’ll have to speculate based on their roles and what we know of their personalities, but I’ll take a stab at it. Disclaimer : I fully understand that 99% of you don’t know my friends or brothers, but the comparisons should be funny either way.
Let’s start with Travis Kelce. I mean, he has to be the life of the party right? Can talk to anyone, great to be around, not afraid to throw a few back. Probably the guy in the group most likely to talk to girls even though everyone in the party (in my bachelor party anyway) is taken. In a completely harmless way, of course – he just knows how to talk to girls. It’s a gift. He’s also a little older than the rest of the guys, so he’s got some life experience on them and the best stories. Travis Kelce is without a doubt Mitch, one of my groomsmen and one of my best friends. My youngest brother Max, who is 28, asked Mitch how old he was when we were at lunch last Sunday. When Mitch said “35”, my brother looked at him like he had pissed himself in front of God and everyone. Mitch is old, I’ll give him that, and I’m sure when Trav says he’s 32 he gets similar looks from Clyde and OB.
On to Clyde. The country guy. Loves hunting, fishing – basically anything outdoors. Isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty and knows a trick for just about everything. Never orders anything other than beer, outside of the occasional shot when everyone has one. Clyde is my buddy Murph, who would rather be in a freezing ass cold duck blind than on a golf course any day of the week.
Now, one of the harder ones to peg – Orlando Brown, Jr. I don’t really know what to expect out of OB. He’s kind of a quiet dude. Not real outspoken, but as a left tackle it’s likely in his nature to protect Pat at all times. Protection doesn’t always come in a physical way, either. Sometimes protection comes from being one of the only responsible ones in the group. I doubt these guys have an Airbnb, but if they did someone would have to step up and be the one to clean it, right? Order groceries. Make sure things are in place before you take off after a weekend of debauchery. I actually have two people that fit this mold from my bachelor party – my brother Max, and my best friend Jason. Jason took the bull by the horns cooking the first night we were in Scottsdale, making 6 different Instacart orders because his brain was already a little fuzzy in the first 3 hours we were there, and took the couch when we realized there might not be enough bed space. A real team player, and former high school (185 pound) left tackle. Max was the cleaning crew, sweeping up and making sure that we didn’t owe anything other than what we had initially paid. Somewhat because he’s responsible, somewhat because he is the single most frugal person on the planet.
Also, if you put Max on top of Jason’s shoulders in a giant trench coat like two kids trying to sneak into an R rated movie, they might be the same size as OB.
Jerick McKinnon. I’m not going to lie, I don’t know much about McKinnon off the field at all. He’s the new guy, relatively speaking. Even though Noah Grey and OB were both in their first years as Chiefs as well, McKinnon had that mysterious journeyman vibe to him when he signed last offseason. I’d have to imagine the other guys, specifically Trav and Pat, have a little better rapport than they do with Jerick, but Jerick can fit in anywhere in the world. He’s that type of dude. For that reason, my future brother-in-law Yann makes the most sense as the Jerick McKinnon of our party. Yann hails from the south of France, and while he didn’t know anyone other than me coming into the weekend, he fit in just fine. A worldly journeyman finding his groove with a bunch of boys in the Midwest – very similar paths for these two.
That leaves us with Noah Gre
y, who I really have no clue how to peg. He should be a smart guy, he went to Duke. But he’s also a tight end. I don’t know many tight ends that I’ve met that have been super book smart. Street smart? Hell yes. Savvy? Hell yes. I’m sure Noah Grey is smarter than I could ever dream of being, but let’s just pretend for a few seconds that he’s not. My friend Clay is the perfect fit for our Noah Grey. He’s a Duke fan. He’s pretty dumb. But he’s super savvy, he can talk his way out of (or in to) any situation, and he’s always been a shameless Duke fan and Coach K apologist.
There are several from my party, including my brother Sam and cousin Alex, groomsmen Nick and Wade, and attorney Cam, that I failed to mention in this. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them, it just means that apparently I have a bigger inner circle than Patrick Mahomes. I think we all would have guessed that, right? As for Patrick, the clear comparison to him is obviously me. We’re both the bachelors. We’re both the coolest guys in the respective groups. One clear difference – I’m not the best quarterback in the world, and I don’t own part of the Royals. I also doubt Mahomes flew Southwest to get to his bachelor party, but I could be wrong. Seems like his A-list status is probably applicable in other areas of life. Other than that, it’s basically dead even.