It was announced today that Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes and Bills QB Josh Allen will square off against a man who hates his children and a man who doesn’t believe in science in Capital One’s The Match in June.
Charles Robinson @CRob5769
Lead Writer – Chiefs Focus @ChiefsFocus
If you’ve tuned in to The Match in years past, you’ve probably been a little bit disappointed. Outside of the year that Tom Brady and Peyton Manning played in it with Tiger and Phil Mickelson, it has been a pretty bland promotion. Since that, the second iteration of the Capital One sponsored event that has since taken to benefitting charities, we’ve seen some duds including Lefty and Charles Barkley defeating Steph Curry and Peyton 4 and 3 (meaning Chuck and Phil were up 4 with 3 holes left to play), stepbrothers Bryson DeChambeau and Aaron Rodgers defeating Tom Brady and Phil Mickelson (a somehow likable duo when matched up against the Scientist and the anti-Scientist) 3 and 2, and Brooks Koepka absolutely curbstomping DeChambeau in November of 2021 5 and 3.
Essentially all blow outs with a little bit of TV friendly golf banter and wagering mixed into the equation. But, on the bright side of things, the event has raised over $33 million for various charities over the course of the 5 previous events.
This round of the Match is a little different, and for this football and golf fan – a little more entertaining. The Match VI, to be played in June, will pair up Bills quarterback Josh Allen and our beloved signal caller Patrick Mahomes to take on the literal worst combination of human beings in a single golf cart on the planet in Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady. It is the first time that there have been no PGA Tour professionals involved (Mickelson has been a mainstay in the event until this point), and the first time it will include anyone from the NFL not named Brady, Rodgers, or Manning.
Good on golf for getting some fresh blood in the mix with Mahomes and Allen. Both of these guys have hacked at it on national TV before, with Mahomes participating in the American Century Championship in 2020 and 2021 at Edgewood Tahoe Golf Course and Allen playing in 2021’s Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Rodgers and Brady of course live for attention and have been on TV more times than I can count playing golf, retiring and unretiring, and holding franchises hostage to get $150 million guaranteed.
The Match VI will be played at the Wynn in Las Vegas, a bucket list course for me and a track and city that will undoubtedly inspire some zesty on course wagers between 4 guys who have over $1.3 billion in career earnings. This is counting eggs before they hatch and factoring in Mahomes and Allen’s full total on their current deals, but let’s call a spade a spade here. But who has the advantage in this one?
To start, the best handicap of the group is Rodgers. Because of course it is. When you take the summer off away from your OTAs and training camps to take ayahuasca, hike in Hawaii with Miles Teller, and cleanse your body via some shaman led forced vomiting and shitting (panchakarma cleanse, you’re welcome), you can find a little time to hit the links as well. Rodgers is a 4.6 handicap according to the Wisconsin State Golf Association, meaning he’d hit just under 5 over par on most golf courses in the US. Brady was reportedly an 8.1 before last year’s match, and likely didn’t spend enough time in retirement to do much work on that number. Allen is the worst of the group coming in at a 9, and Mahomes lands right in the middle at a 7.7 according to Golf.com.
The real question to me, though, is how much fun would each of these guys be to golf with? I’m miles away from knowing these guys personally, but I can make deductions based on how their conduct themselves in the public eye and the preconceived notions that my brain has concocted around all of these guys. For those who don’t golf, this won’t make much sense to you. Those of you that do? You know.
Aaron Rodgers : Miserable. If you get stuck in a golf cart with this guy you’re likely going to have to listen to him talk about how his chakra’s are off. He’ll stink because the crystals he rubbed on his body before the round won’t hide the scent put off by the puddles of grease dripping from his mechanics hair. He’ll probably get passive aggressive at some point and bitch about you stepping in his line on a green, and if it comes down to a putt on the 18th you know you might as well pack it in for the clubhouse. Also, wear a mask if within 6 feet of him. 1.2/10 fun score.
Tom Brady : I can’t imagine sitting in a golf cart for 4-5 hours and listening to someone try to sell you on their nutrition plan. Brady would actually be a good guy to chop it up with, he seems like he can probably be a real guy’s dude, but if you forget your own drinks you’re probably reaching into his cooler to grab some sort of guava beer, a seltzer, or avocado tequila. The good news is if you play your cards right, he might be able to get you on at the senior rate. You’re probably going to win, but you’ll have to carry the team from holes 4 through 16. 5.7/10 fun score.
Josh Allen: Probably a really fun guy to golf with, honestly. I’d imagine you could bum a smoke, a dip, a Fireball shooter, Busch light….pretty much anything off of this guy. He also probably has some alternative smoking options in his bag with a beard like that. Being a small town guy from northern California who went to school in Montana, I’d imagine he’s probably into just about anything the average weekend golfing degenerate would want to get into during a round of 18. His temper kind of worries me, though. Seeing him scream relentlessly “COME ON!!” on the sidelines of the AFC Divisional round makes me think he’s a club throw/snap risk. 6.3/10 fun score.
Patrick Mahomes : Mahomes has to be a fun dude to mix it up with on the golf course. Probably a little quiet at first, but definitely gets in on the joking and shit giving as the Coors Lights keep getting deleted. Mahomes is a notably nice guy, so if you have a 4 footer to end the hole he’s probably telling you to pick it up – “that’s good”. Picks the cart up and returns it – and underrated clutch aspect of partner golf. I’d imagine his lighthearted demeanor lends itself well to self-deprecation, so if you’re playing like shit and he’s roping balls all over the course, you don’t feel like as much of an idiot. The morale would be high, and I’d have to imagine the stories and “isms” you would hear from a guy from Tyler, TX living in the Midwest would be just about top tier. Probably has a very nice Bluetooth speaker with the amount of money he makes. 7.3/10 fun score.
I’ll obviously be rooting for Mahomes and Allen in the Match, and I would argue that the entire world should do the same.